Maybe this sounds familiar. It is ten to seven on a school morning. The dog is barking at the gate, someone cannot find a shoe, and then you spot the lunchbox still sitting on the kitchen counter. Before you know it you are shouting, far louder than a lunchbox deserves. By the time you reach the school gate you feel awful.
If this is you, you are probably not an angry person. You are more likely a very tired one.
Why small things set off big anger
Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. It tells us that something is wrong or unfair, and it gives us energy to act. The difficulty comes when the reaction is much bigger than the trigger, and when it arrives so fast that you only catch up with it afterwards.
Think of your nervous system as a cup. Every demand on you pours something in: a poor night's sleep, a deadline, money worries, traffic on Hendrik Potgieter, load on the family, noise, pain, a child who needs you every three minutes. When the cup is already full to the brim, one more drop makes it spill. The drop gets the blame, but the real issue is how full the cup was.
People with a short fuse often notice other signs that their system is overloaded:
- Feeling irritated by ordinary sounds such as chewing, tapping or the television
- Tight shoulders, a clenched jaw or frequent headaches
- Sleeping lightly and waking unrefreshed
- Needing a long time to calm down after an argument
- Guilt and shame once the anger has passed
What is happening in the brain
Deep in the brain, a structure called the amygdala is thought to act as an alarm, reacting very quickly to anything that looks like a threat or an obstacle. Behind your forehead, the prefrontal cortex is often described as the brake. It is the part that weighs things up and says, "It is only a lunchbox. We can sort this out."
The brake seems to hold best when you are rested and reasonably calm. When you are exhausted, stressed or running on adrenaline, it is thought to weaken, and the alarm gets its way. The body goes into fight mode: your heart rate jumps, your muscles tense and your voice rises, all before the thinking brain has caught up.
Therapists sometimes speak of a "window of tolerance". It is the range of stress within which you can still think clearly and respond sensibly. When life has been heavy for a long time, that window narrows. Things that you could once shrug off now push you straight out of it.
A short fuse is rarely about the spark. It is about how little fuse is left.
This is one reason anger so often goes hand in hand with burnout and poor sleep. Our articles on executive burnout and being wired but tired at 2am look at those patterns in more detail.
How neurofeedback may help widen the window
Neurofeedback is a non-invasive way of training the brain. Sensors on your scalp read your brain's electrical rhythms, called brainwaves, and a computer gives feedback through sound or images whenever your brain produces a calmer, steadier pattern. The sensors only read. Nothing is sent into your brain.
One rhythm often encouraged in this kind of training is SMR, short for sensorimotor rhythm. It is a steady brainwave linked with a body that is still and a mind that is alert but relaxed. Training may also aim to ease excess fast activity, the kind associated with tension and being on edge.
The aim is to bring the baseline level of stress down, so that the cup is no longer filled to the brim. The hope is a small pause between the irritation and the reaction. In that pause there is a choice: to breathe, to walk out of the room for a minute, to say it differently. Results vary, research on neurofeedback for anger and irritability specifically is limited, and no one can promise that you will never lose your temper again. It is also not a substitute for sorting out what is overfilling the cup, whether that is sleep, workload or something that needs to be talked through.
When to get other help first
Irritability can be a symptom of something medical. Depression, anxiety, chronic pain, thyroid problems, hormonal changes, a past head injury and some medicines can all shorten the fuse. If the change is recent or marked, please see your doctor. If anger has ever become physical, or if you or anyone at home feels unsafe, speak to a doctor or psychologist as a priority. Neurofeedback works alongside that care, not instead of it.
What training looks like
At Fix Your Brain in Krugersdorp every client begins with a 19-channel brain map, which takes about an hour and a half. A brain map is a recording of your brain's electrical activity, taken from 19 points on the scalp. Training sessions are 45 to 60 minutes and open with a short check-in on how you are feeling. Our services page has more about the practice. If the short fuse belongs to a teenager in your house, you may find our article on emotional meltdowns in teens useful.
Common questions
Does having a short fuse mean I have an anger problem?
Not necessarily. Frequent irritability is often a sign of a nervous system that is overloaded by stress, poor sleep or pain, more than a fixed part of your personality. It is still worth taking seriously, because it affects you and those around you. A doctor or psychologist can help rule out underlying causes such as depression or anxiety.
Can neurofeedback stop me from losing my temper?
It cannot guarantee that. Neurofeedback aims to lower your baseline level of stress, which may give you more of a pause before reacting and a quicker recovery afterwards. Results vary from person to person. It belongs alongside practical changes such as better sleep, and alongside counselling where that is needed.
Is this suitable for children and teenagers too?
Neurofeedback in general is used with children and teenagers as well as adults. Whether it is suitable for your child is a question to put to the practice and to your child's doctor. Every client starts with a 19-channel brain map. If your child's outbursts are sudden, severe or new, please have them seen by a doctor or paediatrician first.
Being short-tempered when you are running on empty does not make you a bad parent, partner or colleague. It makes you human. If you would like to find out whether neurofeedback could give you a little more room to breathe, you are welcome to contact Irine for a chat.
- anger
- irritability
- short fuse
- emotional control
- temper
